November 21, 2011

Waiting

~This is a scheduled post, written a couple of weeks ago~

I'm really bad at waiting sometimes.

OK, most of the time.

I'm currently waiting
for my monthly friend.
I just want to know
if I'm pregnant or not.

This wait can be so hard.
It's the unknown
and the possibilities 
that are so exciting.

Dealing with infertility is not fun.
It sucks.

It sucks 
to have that friend
show up

month
after
month
after
month.

I wonder...

What are we doing wrong?
Is there something wrong with me?

I want to be pregnant
so badly.


When I'm hoping,
I'm on the mountain top.
I'm so high,
certain that
this month
is OUR month.

When I realize that
I'm not pregnant
yet again
I'm dropped
into a pit.

Every month
it feels like
the pit gets 

deeper
and 
deeper
and
deeper.

The cycle continues...
up and down,
up and down,
up and down.  

Part of me doesn't
want to take a test.

Then I'll know
a little more
for sure.

 I don't want it
to be a no.

It could be
YES
but
what if 
it isn't?

I'll be dropped
into that pit
again...

10 comments:

  1. :(  I'm sorry you're still waiting.  It sucks and there's nothing anyone can say to make it easier.  *hugs*

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  2. I'm sad for you that you're going through this. I wish I could give you a hug and wait with you for support. 

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  3. Hoping you get that positive sign soon. Hugs!

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  4. The New "Normal"November 21, 2011 at 9:57 AM

    My heart goes out to you as you wait. Praying for that wait to be very short... Hugs to you!

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  5. I'm sorry it's that way for you.  It took us forever to get pregnant.  There is hope though.  I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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  6. I'm praying for you, I hope you get a positive test this month girl!

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  7. Just remember that God is always on time.  He is never early, He is never late.  It will happen.  Hang in there. 

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  8. TTC is such a roller coaster of emotions each and every month especially when dealing with infertility. It took us 11 months to conceive Dylan. I was diagnosed with PCOS even though I don't fit the "typical" mold of someone who has PCOS. I temped, I charted, I bought a fertility monitor, I even tried to stand on my head after sex (for real). And the last month before I was to start clomid I stopped it all and just decided to have fun with it again and low and behold, we conceived Dylan! 

    Keep your head up, stay positive. God has a plan and you will be blessed very soon! Big hugs to you! 

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  9. I am SO in this boat with you!!! We've been TTC for over a year and UGH is all I can say!!  If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here!!! :)

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  10. With our first, it took about 2 days - and boom we were pregnant. With this pregnancy... it took over a year. The month it finally happened was the month my husband was in the ICU and in and out of the hospital, we literally had sex ONCE that entire month on a night he got to sleep at home before his health crashed again and he was back in the ICU. Crazy huh? So the advice of "stop trying" I guess truly worked for us!! You will get there. My mom it took 3 years each time they tried, and they would find out they were pregnant (literally every time this is how they found out) by going in to see a fertility specialist and the specialist would say "well you are actually already a few days pregnant!" Guess how I found out this time.... yup, in the fertility specialists office too :-) The timing worked out perfectly though, more perfect than we had planned. So the posters before me said it well... God has the right plan. According to our plan I would have had a newborn when my husband got his brain injury and was in and out of the ICU... God realized I could NOT have handled that. So instead, He let me get pregnant at that time, instead of having a newborn already at that time.

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