Wives of the Military

WARNING: This is rant, fueled by pregnancy hormones, a headache and a desire to have The Man home.  However, I’m a big girl and can take whatever comments you want to throw at me!

A post by a newbie blogger was brought to my attention by a friend on Facebook the other day.  While I hate to give her the traffic, you going to read it in her own words is way better than me trying to summarize it.  If you haven’t read it yet, you can click here to get to the blog post.  I’m writing a response here on my blog because after 12 comments, most of which were negative, she turned them off.  I’m guessing she couldn’t take the heat but I can’t be sure.  Anyway, on with my thoughts…

If I had been able to comment, this is what I would have written:

I am very sad to see this post. As an active duty Navy sub wife, I think it's much better to be supportive of one another instead of tearing each other down, regardless of your branch of service. Each branch has different missions and purposes...and each are needed. I have reserve friends and the things they experience with a deployment are the same as what I and other wives experience. Also...it can be just has hard, if not harder, to go back to a civilian job after being in the sandbox for a year. They're juggling a lot and they deserve credit for that. Being in the National guard or Reserve DOES NOT make them less of a person or less valuable to our country.


I hope that once you experience a deployment, field training or just something MORE than recruiting duty you'll have more compassion for the men and women who serve with the other active duty branches, the Army National Guard, the different State Guards and the different Reserve branches. I hope it gets you off your high horse and helps you see that as wives, we're all in this together.


Also, isn't it a bit of a double standard to complain about wives wearing their SO's uniform and then do it yourself? You have no right to complain about something and then do it yourself.


Ok, ok, I pulled a bit of branch rank there in the beginning but I wanted her to know I was a fellow active duty wife.  Plus, I’m wondering how much of “real” army life she has experienced.  And by “real” I mean deployments, field trainings, duty nights, and times when she can’t get in touch with her husband.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say….she hasn’t experienced much.  So she’s basing her superiority on the fact that she’s a wife of six months who has only experienced recruiting.  I  HOPE that if she had experienced a deployment she would have more sympathy/compassion/empathy for those who who are/have been deployment.  A deployment is a deployment is a deployment, from 3 months to 15 months or longer.  No way around it deployments SUCKS, no matter what branch you are.

I think what bothered me the most was the level of disrespect to the soldiers and families in the National Guard, State Guards and Reserves.  I know she doesn’t mention all those branches but I’ve included them since they aren’t active duty and I feel can be included in what she’s saying.

Now, as an active duty wife, I have NO IDEA what it’s like to be the wife of a guard or reserve member.  I am however, friends with a few through the bloggy world.  Bloggers like Chambanachik and Mowenackie (who had been on a blogging sabbatical) have helped to see into their world and understand what it’s like to be the wife of a guard/reserve member.   They have helped me see that it can be hard to be the wife of a deployed guard/reserve member.  Sometimes they don’t live near the unit so they don’t have an FRG or other support to help them through.  They have the same fears/questions/concerns as the rest of us and often it’s harder for them to get the information they need.  I could go on, but then I would have a short story instead of a blog post.  I encourage you to read their blogs and find out more of what their lives are like.

I do have to say that there is one thing I do agree with her on. Shocking, right?  It’s the wives taking photos in the SO’s (significant other’s) uniform.  My biggest issue?  YOU DON’T WEAR IT, YOUR SO DOES! Just like you don’t wear rank.  So how about we admire our men (or women) in uniform and enjoy taking it off of them?  And once you have them out of it, DON’T PUT IT ON.  Leave it on the floor or draped over the foot of your bed.  You haven’t earned the right to wear it.  You haven’t earned that right until you swear the enlisted oath or are commissioned.  Please show our men and women who have earned the right to wear the uniform that much respect.  I don’t care if it’s your boobs, butt or a baby bump that’s hanging out, it’s not cute.  And for the record, it’s not just National Guard wives who do it…I’ve seen plenty of active duty wives do it too!  Gasp, the horror! 

Imagine that, not all active duty wives are the same or think the same thing…

What do you think?

Edited: I orginally said she had been married 7 months.  I counted wrong; she's been married 6 months.

Also, I would like to add the following as of 4:30, February 10, 2011:

the blog post that is currently up that I referenced in my post is very different from the one I read less than 24 hours ago. When I first read it, it was more harsh and included a part on PTSD that was quite offensive to many people. Also, there were pictures as well as information on the writer and her husband. This information included that they met in November of 2010, that they met while he was recruiting and that they are currently living in her hometown. It also included a few wedding pictures and the date they were married...August 2011 (which means they've been married 6 months, not 7. That's my mistake). She is also due this month with a little girl and had a maternity shot of herself in her husband's uniform. There were other posts as well, including a response from her husband. There has been an apology from the Army: you can see it here:http://spousebuzz.com/blog/2012/02/command-apologizes-for-anti-guard-comments.html