Beauty is something that I’ve been struggling with lately. I have no problem finding or seeing beauty in nature or in other people. I have a hard time seeing any beauty in myself.
I’m not comfortable in my body anymore. I hate the extra weight I’m carrying around. My stretch marks don’t bother me but the belly flop over my c section scar drives my crazy. I HATE IT. Obviously not enough as I haven’t done anything about it. Oh I’ve tried but haven’t stuck with anything. That snack, in the moment, tastes better than not eating it. I swapped out my clothes today for warmer ones and accidently took out the bin of clothes I’m saving that no longer fit. A favorite pair of jeans were on top and how I wished they still fit.
There is one person (ok, two) that make me feel beautiful. The first is The Man. I know he loves me for me, who I am on the inside. He still tells me I’m beautiful. Even when I’m denying it or wanting to argue with him, his words make a difference. They soothe me and help me believe it…at least, until I look in the mirror again. I believe him when he says those words to me, the ones that say I’m beautiful.
The other person is Munchkin. She doesn’t really care or even know if I’m beautiful.
To her I’m Mama, one of the most important people in her world. She runs to me and her face just lights up. She loves to get hugs and snuggles and kisses. She loves to feel my belly while nursing. She doesn’t know what the jiggle means, that I can’t fit into my smaller jeans. She knows that it feel funny under her hands. The jiggle was worth it, to have her. Slowly, she’s teaching to me to love my body, to love my beauty. My body is amazing as it helped create her and it nourished her and keep her safe. I need to get my feelings for myself under control for her. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that I hate myself. I don’t want her to doubt my beauty or hers. My little girl is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. She’s gorgeous and I don’t want her to EVER doubt that. EVER.
I’m linking up with Wife of a Sailor for her Thursday Thoughts. I hope you’ll join us!
*All photos in this post were taken by Wife of a Sailor
