June 21, 2012

Out Of The Loop

This post might step on some toes and offend some people.  I’m ok with that.  These are my opinions and if yours are different, cool beans.  One of benefits of living in the USA is that we can all have our own opinions.  If you do disagree, I’d love to hear your comments in a respectful way.

I’ve been feeling a little out of the pop culture loop lately.  I have to admit I’m ok with it.  It’s also nothing new.  I was out of the loop while living in Asia (I had no idea what Survivor or American Idol was, among other things, when I returned home in 2005.)  I’m out of the loop because I don’t watch much TV or listen to the radio.  I only listen to the radio in the car and it’s mostly Spirit 105.3, a local Christian music station or some classic rock.  At home it’s Pandora or my iPod.  It’s not unusual for me to first hear a song a year or two after it has come out.

You might be wondering where I’m going with this.  My Twitter feed and several blogs I read have been full of the book 50 Shades of Gray.  I have absolutely no desire to read this book.  First reason is that it is somehow related to Twilight.  I’m not a Twilight fan.  I haven’t read it either.  I’m ok with missing out on this.  I’ve also heard it’s basically soft porn and I’m ok with missing that too. I could be wrong about that since I haven’t read it but I’ve heard it from enough people that I don’t think I’m too far off.

The other item that has been getting a lot of chatter is the movie Magic Mike.  I had no idea what it was about but everyone was talking about it so I googled it.  It’s about a male stripper.  Right from that I can tell you I’m not interested.

My first thought when I was thinking of all this was ““Why are people surprised that affairs are rampant and the divorce rate is so high?”  I’m not saying that 50 Shades of Gray and Magic Mike are the causes of these things but they certainly are symptoms.  What you put in your body, including your mind, is what you’re doing to get out.  There is enough temptation in my everyday life, why do I want to add more?  Why would I want to put those thoughts and images in my head?  They are nearly impossible to erase.

Our society has traded the truth for a lie.  One of those lies is that sex=love.  Sex does not equal love.  It equals lust.  And lust is perfectly acceptable in our society.  We base our happiness on it.  We base marriages on it.  We base divorces on it.  There are many people who get married not because they are in love but because they are in lust.  When they are no longer in lust, why stay married?  Isn’t the whole point of being married about being happy (and without going into it I say NO, marriage isn’t all about being happy.)

In very, very simple terms (I even might be oversimplifying it but work with me here) lust is what makes me happy.  Love is about what makes you happy.  My favorite definition of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others,

it is not self-seeking,

 it is not easily angered,

 it keeps no record of wrongs.

 6 Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

That’s the kind of love I want.  I don’t want lust.  I want love.  Real, time and trial tested love.  The kind that puts the other first, in wanting what is best for them.  It’s still out there though it’s becoming harder and harder to find.

My marriage is not perfect.  We still have a lot of work to do.  I am thankful that The Man and I are both committed to each other and our marriage and a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.  We love each other and it is work.  It’s hard but it’s rewarding.  It makes me sad that others are missing out on this, that they have traded it in for something that looks good but is unfulfilling. 

So many people are looking for love, real love.  Is it any wonder they have a hard time finding it with all the junk out there?


  1. I've never heard of Magic Mike, though I've heard of Fifty Shades of Grey (eh, not into that either). But I will most definitely agree that pop culture's promiscuity has something to do with why so many people are unhappy with their marriage, and ultimately divorced. But I think that based on a different reason- I think it is warping our expectations of what marriage, love, and lust are. I believe that everyone has the right to express themselves, including sexually, but the interpretation is skewed- people have stopped seeing these as what they are, fantasies, and started to look at these situations as real and possible for themselves. The line between fantasy and reality is getting way too blurry.

  2. Oh, I can totally agree with you. I don't think it's any one thing but several factors coming into play. I think this is a very valid point as well (that fantasy and reality is blurring together) and again it does warp our view of marriage.

  3. I honestly think it's how you were raised. I can't stand when society blames movies and video games for the reason teens and young adults act. Start parenting better and maybe there will be a change. Don't let you teen see sexual movies... don't let your 5 year old play Call of Duty. Monitor what they do and they will grow up with better morals. I came from a family of aunts and uncles having children and then getting married at very young ages. But now I am turning 30 and just now my husband and I are going to adopt. Not everyone buys into media. Not everyone is raised in a healthy, loving family. Those are bigger factors than silly movies that everyone gives blame instead of their bad parenting skills.

    And the best thing about this country, we have freedom FROM religion, not just OF religion.

  4. I have to go with Holly on this one. I enjoyed 50 shades of grey and I definitely think all of the men in Magic Mike are ridiculously good looking. But just because I think those things doesn't make me attracted to chris less. We're both human and to ignore the fact that there are other people who are attractive feels fake to me. We're both honest about people we find physically attractive...it's a transperancy thing I guess. Just because we got married didn't mean that part of our brains went away. But being married does mean that we accept that there are other attractive people but don't let it get in the way of our love, lust and respect for each other. We also don't have a marriage based on religious faith so of course, the way we do things consider issues like these is based on other beliefs.

  5. I haven't read the Grey books, but I did read Twilight? I told myself that if I wanted to give my daughter an example of what kind of relationship NOT to have, I would give her Twlight. If I ever found a guy in her room watching her sleep, I would call the cops not call it romantic. bleh. I have read the Grey books are Twilight with a lot of sex. I will take a pass. I enjoy a good romance. I just prefer ones without emotional abuse.

  6. I can not like this enough!! I don't have any desire to read 50 Shades either... and Magic Mike commercials make me very uncomfortable.

  7. Agreed, agreed, agreed!!!! You know, it's kind of like the old saying, "trash in - trash out." I have said several times myself lately, that I am clearly a misfit of society, because I see very little that entices or interests me within the "pop culture" we are surrounded by. I find most of it repulsive. Glad to see I'm not the only one!

  8. Just saw the Magic Mike preview... "Your boyfriend may appear inadequate"... ??? That tagline pretty much sums up my entire argument. Will be avoiding this movie like the plague.

  9. I agree with you and Holly to some extent. Some of the issues today is parenting but society and the media does not make it easy to parent. On street corners, magazines at the check outs, movie preview (even on channels that you would think safe such as children's programs), etc. promote promiscuous behavior. Mainstream has made pornography (whether soft or hard) 100% acceptable and I do believe that it can and does disrupt relationships. I refuse to get into Twilight or 50 Shades of Gray. Affection is okay in public but sex and sexual acts belong in the bedroom. My kids need to see that Mom and Dad love each other so a kiss, holding hands, helping each other, etc. are good but they do not need to see more than that because a sexual relationship should be based on a strong loving relationship if it is meant to last.

  10. I agree. It's a hard balance and it's one that makes me nervous for when Munchkin gets older.

  11. You're most definitely not the only one! I really don't think we're missing much from pop culture at all.

  12. I haven't seen the commercials...just a casualty of not watching much TV:)

  13. I also enjoy a good romance but I do lean towards Christian writers these days. I just don't need that other stuff in my head. As for Twilight, I suppose I'll read them if Munchkin ever does so we can talk about it!

  14. My husband and I do find other people attractive we don't act on it. However, porn has no place in our marriage. I can respect those who allow it but it's not for us. Also, II feel that any fantasies or thoughts I have regarding sex should be centered around my husband, not some random guy.

  15. Oh, I can totally agree that parenting needs to be taken up a level. And while I don't believe it's 100% the fault of society but I think it does play into it. I don't think any one factor is at fault but rather it's a result of many different factors..

  16. Nicole VandeventerJuly 1, 2012 at 12:37 AM

    I'm obviously playing catch-up with your blog. :) All these comments in one shot. lol. I 100% agree with you about all this stuff. I am almost 27 and have only watched tv for one year since I was 16. I never feel like I'm missing out. I have seen one movie in the theater with my husband since we've been married almost five years, and, frankly, I don't give a rip about pop-culture, so long as I can pop it out of my way. It's fickle, it's cheap, and it's tacky. All it does is supply the demand, and unfortunately what people demand naturally are things that do not please or honor God. So, that's that for me. Some say I live under a rock. Quite the contrary, though. I'm not constantly having to filter out junk. I know what the junk is and I avoid it. I'm thankful for you, sister.

  17. No worries!

    And AMEN! So glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way:)


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