September 22, 2011

The Day After

I've been sitting here staring at a blank screen.
I'm not sure what to write.
It's been a really long day.
Not as long as yesterday
but time still feels like it's dragging.

The Man arrived last night.
It was the first time I've slept all night in about a week.
When I woke up,
it felt like I hadn't gotten any sleep.
I'm so glad my husband is here.
It was so nice to fall asleep in his arms,
to cry against his chest.
and to have him here for support.

Earlier today I looked at my phone 
and realized that I missed two phone calls.
I stared at one of the numbers in disbelief.
It said Dad.
I know that that is impossible.
It turns out that a recent number I added
got put under Dad.
Not sure how it happened.
It set off tears.
Not just tears but sobs.
Body shaking, unable to breathe kind of sobs.
My daddy is never going to call me again.
Never going to text me again.
I'm never going to hear his voice again.

He's never going to tell me some random fact
something I already know.
I'm never going to argue with him.
He's never going to tell me that
I'm beautiful
that he loves me
is proud of me
that I'll always be his little girl.
I'll never buy him another cookbook
coffee mug
He'll never cook me mac and cheese or beef stew again.
I'll never hear him talk to himself
in the shower or while doing dishes.

I miss you daddy.


  1. What wonderful memories you have of your father. That is how it should be. Take comfort, you will see him again in paradise.

  2. I wish I could just give you a hug and cry with you. Been thinking of you all morning.

  3. I miss him for you, I miss all these things for you. I'm thinking of you girl.

  4. I'm so sorry. I'm glad your husband's home to be with you right now, and I hope you get some peace from everything.

  5. My heart breaks for you... I pray for peace for your family


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