The Day After

I've been sitting here staring at a blank screen.

I'm not sure what to write.

It's been a really long day.

Not as long as yesterday

but time still feels like it's dragging.

The Man arrived last night.

It was the first time I've slept all night in about a week.

When I woke up,

it felt like I hadn't gotten any sleep.

I'm so glad my husband is here.

It was so nice to fall asleep in his arms,

to cry against his chest.

and to have him here for support.

Earlier today I looked at my phone 

and realized that I missed two phone calls.

I stared at one of the numbers in disbelief.

It said Dad.

I know that that is impossible.

It turns out that a recent number I added

got put under Dad.

Not sure how it happened.

It set off tears.
Not just tears but sobs.
Body shaking, unable to breathe kind of sobs.

My daddy is never going to call me again.

Never going to text me again.

I'm never going to hear his voice again.

He's never going to tell me some random fact

or

something I already know.

I'm never going to argue with him.

He's never going to tell me that

I'm beautiful

or
that he loves me

or
is proud of me

or
that I'll always be his little girl.

I'll never buy him another cookbook

or
coffee mug

or
hat.

He'll never cook me mac and cheese or beef stew again.

I'll never hear him talk to himself

in the shower or while doing dishes.

I miss you daddy.