Visiting

The wake for dad was last night.  It was good to see him again.  Of course I cried.  At times I was overwhelmed by the amount of people there.  I didn't expect to see so many people there;  Family, friends, people from church and our old church, some of my friends, people mom works with, people dad worked with, people who dad served with for Men's Night Out.  It was wonderful to talk to everyone and remember dad.  I never realized all the people that daddy impacted.  To everyone who came, thank you.  Thank you for your support, prayers and love.  Thank you for sharing how dad impacted you and the memories you have of him. 

Time felt really slow.  The visiting hours were only 3 hours but it felt much longer.  It's only been 4 days since dad went home but it feels like it's been at least two weeks.  Each day feels like two.  I'm exhausted.  I was able to sleep last night and got a good 8 hours but it doesn't feel like it.

Next comes the memorial service.  As my mom says, dad won't be there cause he wasn't invited.  He didn't want to come back to the church so he won't be.  I know that even without him there it will be emotional.  Does it sound horrible to say that I'm looking forward to it being over?  It feels like we've just been waiting and waiting and waiting.  After the service, life gets back to "normal" whatever that is now.  Or as our friend Suzy-Q says, our new normal.  Life is never going to be the same.  It can't be with a big hole where dad used to be.