The wake for dad was last night. It was good to see him again. Of course I cried. At times I was overwhelmed by the amount of people there. I didn't expect to see so many people there; Family, friends, people from church and our old church, some of my friends, people mom works with, people dad worked with, people who dad served with for Men's Night Out. It was wonderful to talk to everyone and remember dad. I never realized all the people that daddy impacted. To everyone who came, thank you. Thank you for your support, prayers and love. Thank you for sharing how dad impacted you and the memories you have of him.
Time felt really slow. The visiting hours were only 3 hours but it felt much longer. It's only been 4 days since dad went home but it feels like it's been at least two weeks. Each day feels like two. I'm exhausted. I was able to sleep last night and got a good 8 hours but it doesn't feel like it.
Next comes the memorial service. As my mom says, dad won't be there cause he wasn't invited. He didn't want to come back to the church so he won't be. I know that even without him there it will be emotional. Does it sound horrible to say that I'm looking forward to it being over? It feels like we've just been waiting and waiting and waiting. After the service, life gets back to "normal" whatever that is now. Or as our friend Suzy-Q says, our new normal. Life is never going to be the same. It can't be with a big hole where dad used to be.
September 24, 2011
6 comments:
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYou mom sounds like a woman I would like. I can somewhat relate to what you said about the whole feeling of waiting during this time. Days seems so long and full of grief but your friend is right... your new normal will arrive soon. Still in my prayers.
ReplyDeletePoe - speaking as someone who is a little older and perhaps a little wiser because I have been through this many times myself with both my parents and a spouse, it sounds like what you are going through is perfectly healthy. A great sense of relief is yet to come if you haven't yet experienced that and it is a wonderful thing - nothing to feel guilty about. It is about your faith and the knowledge you have regarding the truth.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand you saying you want this to be over. Hopefully your normal life will resume shortly. Still thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely with Ted, PK; nothing to feel guilty about at all. These last weeks have been difficult and draining; what you're feeling is perfectly understandable.
ReplyDeleteDad's pain and suffering is over. You will gradually move past that and focus on all the good memories. Dad will always be with you in some way and that hole will become a smaller, gentler, spot in your life.
I am so sorry for your loss! Losing a parent is unfathomable to me. Thoughts and prayers sent out to you and your family.
ReplyDelete