September 19, 2011

The Longest Day

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Today has felt so long.  Time is moving so slowly and yet, quickly at the same time.  Daddy spends most of the time asleep now.  Because his liver isn't functioning, toxins are building up in his body and it is shutting down.  This morning he did open his eyes several times and was able to answer questions, like if he was ok, in pain and if he wanted something to drink.  And by answer I mean mumble and nod.  As the day progressed he took longer to answer and sometimes doesn't respond at all.  This evening hasn't been that great.  He's been a little restless and is coughing.  It's hard. So hard.

I was ok this morning.  It's gotten harder as the day has gone on.  It's hitting home more, that he's dying.  I'm having a hard time picturing a future without him in it.  Tears are always close to the surface.  My mom told me jokingly that I would have made a wonderful professional mourner back in the day.  I'm a crier and no one is surprised by this.  In the sorrow there is joy and peace.  I am so upset for me but overjoyed for dad.  His pain and suffering will soon be over and I KNOW that he will be in a better place.  If I didn't know that I would be a wreck.  There are moments when I don't know how I'm going to get through this.  My heavenly father keeps reminding me that his grace is sufficient and that I can do all things through Jesus...that he is my strength.  I know I can't do this on my own.  Thank you Lord, that I am no alone.

A month ago my parents were kayaking.  When Mom brought Dad to the hospital 2 weeks ago we never thought this is how it was going to turn out.  We've taken him to the hospital so many times that the idea that he was this sick wasn't on our radar.  The doctor did tell us that this is one of the best ways to go.  He's going to be sleeping more and more and at some point, he's not going to wake up.  It's pretty painless.  I think it's harder on us.  We're taking care of him and waiting.  Just waiting.  It's so hard to do.

My thoughts are a little all over the place.  I apologize if they are hard to follow.  I wanted to write some of them down to help me sort through them and so I'll have a record.  I have a feeling that looking back on this is going to be a little bit of a blur.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. 

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


  1. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will be thinking of you & your family, and I also have faith that your dad will be in a better place. Again, if you need anything at all, please call me.

  2. Keep talking to him, play some favorite music for him. When I went through this with my best friend and a close cousin, it just seemed to make both so peaceful and the memory of them passing a little less painful.

  3. from: Jennifer Antinucci Roy,

    i am thinking of you and your family every are a strong young woman and you have a wonderful and fabulous Mom to stand beside you and you with her. i am sure being with your dad at this time has made him much more comfortable and at ease with what is happening....your love and support will help him each and every day to get through this with less and less pain. lots of love and hugs coming to you and your family.

  4. I had no idea! I have been out of touch for so long! You, your dad and family are in my thoughts and prayers! I understand how it feels to be going through all of this.

    CALL ME if you need to talk! I am available anytime!

  5. Shanna, I have so many great memories of your dad...but I think my most vivid is of his discipleship. He was always so good at telling others about Jesus! I know he rests in Jesus arms and will soon be singing praises to his Lord! Love, Ruth ><>

  6. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts. Best wishes my dear.

  7. Thinking of you and praying for your family during this difficult time. Coach and I just returned from KY to attend the funeral of his best friend's wife. It was such a bitter sweet weekend, knowing that she is no longer in pain and with God now but my heart aches for her husband and two boys as they pick up the pieces and go on without her. Enjoy every moment with your father!

  8. It is just not fair when wonderful people like your dad get taken from us much too soon. I'm so sorry you are going through this but I am glad that your dad is sleeping and pain free. Thinking of you and sending hugs from Boston!

  9. I am so so sorry you're going through this. You've been in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. This is so sad--I'm so sorry. It is awful just sitting there watching all this happen and knowing there is nothing you can do about it. I pray for a easy and painless death for your Daddy and I pray for healing for you and your Mom. I'm thinking of you all.

  11. If he's anything like my grandma you'll get some great moments right towards the end, about 6hrs before she passed she woke-up and sat up as if there was nothing wrong, then she spoke to each one of us individually, then as a group she told us she loved us... then she fell back asleep.

  12. I was doing my Bible study last night and we had to read these verses. It put you in my heart and wanted to share it with you:

    Isaiah 40:28-31
    Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
    The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
    He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
    He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
    Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
    but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
    They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and no be faint.

  13. I'm so very sorry, thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. <3

  14. Just catching up here, and so sorry to read of what is going on - yet so encouraged by the transparency you show that indicates real love for your daddy and real Love from your Heavenly Daddy. Praying for you!


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