2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Today has felt so long. Time is moving so slowly and yet, quickly at the same time. Daddy spends most of the time asleep now. Because his liver isn't functioning, toxins are building up in his body and it is shutting down. This morning he did open his eyes several times and was able to answer questions, like if he was ok, in pain and if he wanted something to drink. And by answer I mean mumble and nod. As the day progressed he took longer to answer and sometimes doesn't respond at all. This evening hasn't been that great. He's been a little restless and is coughing. It's hard. So hard.
I was ok this morning. It's gotten harder as the day has gone on. It's hitting home more, that he's dying. I'm having a hard time picturing a future without him in it. Tears are always close to the surface. My mom told me jokingly that I would have made a wonderful professional mourner back in the day. I'm a crier and no one is surprised by this. In the sorrow there is joy and peace. I am so upset for me but overjoyed for dad. His pain and suffering will soon be over and I KNOW that he will be in a better place. If I didn't know that I would be a wreck. There are moments when I don't know how I'm going to get through this. My heavenly father keeps reminding me that his grace is sufficient and that I can do all things through Jesus...that he is my strength. I know I can't do this on my own. Thank you Lord, that I am no alone.
A month ago my parents were kayaking. When Mom brought Dad to the hospital 2 weeks ago we never thought this is how it was going to turn out. We've taken him to the hospital so many times that the idea that he was this sick wasn't on our radar. The doctor did tell us that this is one of the best ways to go. He's going to be sleeping more and more and at some point, he's not going to wake up. It's pretty painless. I think it's harder on us. We're taking care of him and waiting. Just waiting. It's so hard to do.
My thoughts are a little all over the place. I apologize if they are hard to follow. I wanted to write some of them down to help me sort through them and so I'll have a record. I have a feeling that looking back on this is going to be a little bit of a blur.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
