When you announce that you’re pregnant with your first baby, people are so happy for you. You get a lot of congratulations and along with that women feel free to start to tell you their labor horror stories. They also give you lots of advice. You should wake up baby to feed them every two hours, you shouldn’t wake up baby to feed them every two hours, you should take it easy after birth…blah, blah blah, on and on it goes. You’re often given conflicting advice. To be honest, I let most of it go in one ear and out the other. So if you were one of the many people who were giving me advice, I didn’t listen, sorry!
However, there were two people in my life that gave me the same advice. I think it’s the best advice I’ve received about being a mom. The first person to tell me was my friend C.
She wanted to make a list for of things that she found helpful when her son was born but she didn’t want to be pushy. She had been a nanny before becoming a stay at home mom so I was more than comfortable in taking her advice. She also passed on advice that had been given to her:
You’re the mom now. As the mom, it’s up to you (and your husband) to decide what works best for you. What works for us may or may not work for you. If it doesn’t work, that’s ok, something else will. You guys will need to do what is best for your family.
Talk about freeing! Then a few weeks later while I was visiting my cousin T in New Hampshire, she said just about the same thing. T has 5 kids, ages 11 to just over a year with another one on the way. Her kids are very well behaved. They are still kids and misbehave but they are some of the best kids I know. I’m not just saying that cause I’m Auntie Poe either. She is at the top of my list of people to contact with new mom questions. I told her that and she was flattered and said that was fine but to remember one thing. That what works for them might not work for us. That as the parents, we will need to figure out what will work for us. That we’ll make mistakes and that it’s ok but that we’ll figure it out.
After hearing this I felt much better. I still do. I have ideas of things I’d like to do/try and if they don’t work, it’s ok. It’s ok to try something else. I’m sure I’ll get frazzled but knowing that I don’t have to do it they way others do…that feels good. I like knowing I can ask for advice and if it doesn’t work, that doesn’t make me a bad mom.
What’s the best mom advice you’re received?
That is it. You are gonna make mistakes and that it is ok. You learn and grow from them. Every family is different and different things work for different people.
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I received was: You're doing great, it's ok to cry, and yes, the dishes don't have to be done and all the laundry can just wait. Just BE.
ReplyDeleteI hated people giving me advice! It's not that I didn't think I needed it, but everyone had their own opinions, and just like you said, most of it was conflicting. I decided early on that I was going to do what I felt was best for my baby so matter what anyone else had to say about it. The only advice I listen to is the advice I get when I ask!
ReplyDeletethe best advice i got was from my aunt, and it was similar to what you've posted. she said whatever my husband and i decided to do was the right thing for our family, and since the baby doesn't know anything else, it was/is right for the baby :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I have written similar things in many cards congratulating new parents. Know who to turn to when you truly need an outside perspective (it helps if you and your spouse agree on the names on this mental list), other than that, do what works for you and each individual child. (I know, you're starting with one . . .)
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I received when I had my children was to NOT listen to all the advice that came flying at the hubs and I from every direction! Our babies gradually fit into our schedule and we simply kept smiling in face of any/all criticism from the know-it-all-powers-that-be!
ReplyDeleteAs you said, if it works for you, it was meant to be; if not, try something else. It's a learning process that will make you the best mom ever!
That's probably the best advice anyone can give you :)
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I received was to ask God for advice instead of other mothers. I got conflicting advice from well-intending mothers, too.
ReplyDeleteThat's great advise and I totally agree with it. I tend to let the advise I've gotten go in one ear and out the other.
ReplyDeleteHi there, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog
ReplyDeleteis. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now
following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you
would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs,
Chris
http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/
LOL...me too!
ReplyDeleteThat's great advice too! Thanks for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteThat's good advice! I think there will be a learning curve but I know we're going to be fine:) We're excited to meet her!
ReplyDeleteBut we're hoping to have more at some point:) I can't wait to see you guys!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice having wise people in your life, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteLOL...it does get old, doesn't it? I've decided that the smile and move on works for me:)
ReplyDeleteThat's good too! I'm looking forward to just enjoying her once she gets here:)
ReplyDeleteI think it's the making the mistakes that makes me nervous. I know we're going to make them but still...I'd prefer not too!
ReplyDeleteI think the best advice comes after the baby- all the stuff before is just opinion and hypothetical stuff. It's those 2am phone calls to your mom that give you the advice you actually need. And you really do somehow gain this innate wisdom as soon as they're born, as weird as it sounds.
ReplyDeleteLOL...my mom has to take sleeping pills to sleep. I can't wait to see what kind advice she'll give me if I wake her up in the middle of the night:)
ReplyDelete