June 26, 2012

Food For Thought

I can totally tell that I’m hormonal because this is going to be another “rant.”  Two in less than a week is a record for me (the other one can be found here.)  I normally just let this stuff roll off my back but this has been stuck in my head so I’m going to share.  Once again you might not agree.  I’m ok with that.  Please feel free to share what you think in a respectful manner.

So lately I’ve been seeing tweets and wall posts on Facebook where wives are complaining about their husbands.  It’s bugging me.  Why?  As a wife, I see part of my “job” to be one of building my husband up, not tearing him down.  The world does that enough on it’s own, I don’t need to join in.  That’s not to say that The Man is perfect.  He’s not and I’m sure he’ll freely admit it to you.  I’m not perfect and I have no problem sharing that!  Our marriage is not perfect and our life is not all roses and sunshine, contrary to what some might think.  You might think that because I don’t air our problems on the internet (I have talked about some issues we’ve had, such as The Man’s alcoholism but that is with his permission) that we don’t have any.  Not true. 

I try not to complain about The Man.  When you complain about your husband online, how do you think it makes him feel when he reads what you wrote and see others agree with you?  How would you feel if the roles were reversed?  Do you want someone bashing you in a very public place and have others weigh in with their thoughts?  No one might think much of it if it happens sporadically but what about if you do it all the time?  Do you want to read all about your shortcomings online?  Even if it is a valid complaint, would it be better to deal with it one on one with your husband instead of involving everyone in your friend list?

I suppose I could complain about The Man on Twitter since he doesn’t have an account and would never know.  But then, how would my followers perceive him?  How would my one sided complaining skew what they think of him?  I would be very upset for someone to think badly of  my husband, whom they have never met, based on my complaining!

As his wife, I want my husband to love me.  I want to know and feel that I am loved by this man everyday.  The husband also wants to feel loved.  However, there is something they want more than that.  They want the respect of their wife.  Yes, they want to be loved but for a man, respect is more important.  By bashing him in public you are being so disrespectful.  You are tearing him down.  Why would he want to work hard for you and your family if he continually feels disrespected by you? Why would he want to help you out?  Why would he want anything to do with you at all? 

Sometimes it’s not about him.  Sometimes it’s about you.  You and your attitude towards your husband.  Maybe the problem isn’t with him at all.  Maybe it’s you.  Try putting your husband first and see what happens.  You may be (pleasantly) surprised.

I strive to be a safe place for The Man.  I should be the one he complains about his job too, the one he shares his worries and concerns with.  You know what?  I am the one he shares those things with.  However, I also get to share in his joy and excitement.  I’m the one he can’t wait to tell the good things too, as well as the bad.  He’s knows that I’m there for him.  He knows I’m not going to bash him or judge him when he’s struggling.  He knows he can trust me with the little things as well as the big.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a perfect wife (I probably should have spent the morning clean the house instead of blogging.)  I have brought up past mistakes when I shouldn’t have and it’s something I’m working on.  I know I don’t want my past mistakes thrown in my face again and again.  I’m doing my best to be very aware about what I write about my husband on the internet because I don’t to EVER want to be a stumbling block to him.  It’s amazing, that when you put someone else first they will often then put you first.  Then  you both have what you want/need and get your needs met. 

This thought is kind of unrelated…but if ALL you do is complain, what does that say about you?  It makes you a person I don’t want to spend time with because you’re only going to drag me down.  There’s enough negativity in my life without you adding to it!   And for someone married to you…why would they want to come home to you if all you do is complain and nag?  Work looks better than home does…

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.  Now I feel better!

How do you show respect to your husband or significant other?


  1. Way to go girl. The Bible says: God, husband,children,family. We all want respect and it is something that is earned and not by negativity. Your husband/wife is your best friend, your confessor, your support,your lover, your provider, the one who loves what's on the inside and outside. God loves us all unconditionally think about that and what you have in your spouse

  2. completely agree!

  3. I completely agree! I don't make my husband seem like an angel but I don't bitch about him either. I do joke about him sometimes but he'd do the same about me.

  4. While I probably complain about my husband every now and then, I try to mostly talk about him in a positive light. What drives me nuts is when women talk about how terrible their husbands are (how they're contemplating divorce, throwing them out, etc.) and then a couple weeks later post things like "I have the best husband ever!"

  5. I think it's normal human nature to complain once in a while for about little things (I can't believe he didn't pick up his socks again!) but when it's all the time...it just gets to me. And yes, the 180 change about bugs me too!

  6. And where do you think I learned this stuff? Love you!

  7. Nicole VandeventerJuly 1, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    Wow! You go girl! When I wrote about this stuff in my Marine Wife Unplugged blog, I got a LOT of heat for it. I'm glad to see you have comments here where people agree with you. And yea, I can tell all this came from the Bible. ;) Truth looks great on you! <3

  8. Nicole VandeventerJuly 1, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    Why does it say "mod" next to my name?

  9. I was just writing what I couldn't get out of my head! It was bothering me a lot! Even though you get heat, keep speaking the truth! It needs to be out there, even when people don't want to hear it!

  10. I don't know. I might have done something weird...and now if you don't have a picture in the Discus system you get to be me:) I'm not sure how I did that or how to change it:(


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