Love Fulfills Dreams {Day 38 of The Love Dare}

I’m taking part in blogging about the 40 day Love Dare hosted by Tausha over at Tausha.O.  A different blogger has taken a day of the dare and blogged about it. I’ll admit that I haven’t done all 38 days of the Dare but I have been following along with the bloggers.  I picked day 38 talking about dreams because The Man and I recently attended a marriage enrichment retreat.  One of the things we talked about was dreams.  Not in depth and kind of in passing actually but some of what was said has stayed with me and I’d like to share it with you.

Five

Growing up, I always thought I’d get married and have kids because well, that’s what you do.  It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that I realized that it might not happen.  I didn’t date much in high school or at all in college.  I did the online line thing cause I wasn’t meeting people at work or church and I was never a bar kind of person.  I would be fine with my singleness and then there were times when I wasn’t ok with it at all.  I dated a few guys that I met online and they were nice guys but something just wasn’t there.  (The photo below is The Man & I 4 months after we met and the weekend before he moved to the PNW.)

My Beloved and My Friend {A Review}

I was provided with a complimentary copy of My Beloved and My Friend by Hal & Melanie Young for the purposes of this review.  All thoughts and opinions are my own.

The Man & I have been married for four years.  When it comes to marriage, we’re still newbies.  We have great examples to follow, as both of our parents have been married 30 plus  years.    We’ve learned a lot four years but we both know there’s still a lot to learn.  We enjoy being married to each other and we both enjoy spending time with each other.  Even after adding a baby to the mix, we’re still enjoying this crazy ride.  There is great joy in spending everyday with your best friend.

When I saw the chance to review My Beloved and My Friend by Hal & Melanie Young, I thought it would be a good opportunity to see what other people have to say about being friends with your spouse.  The Young’s have been married for almost thirty years.  Hal was diagnosed with stage IV cancer a few years ago and they wrote their first book Raising Real Men.  This book, My Beloved and My Friend, is what they want their children to know about “how to lay a foundation for a successful marriage, or how to start resolving things if the relationship wandered off course or went sour, somehow” (page 4.)  I think they do a good job of providing this information for their kids and as a side benefit, for us. 

In My Beloved and My Friend, the Young’s share what has worked for them for a number of topics.  I like how they showed a scriptural basis for the points they are talking about.  There were no new huge insights for me as The Man and I are already doing most of what the Young’s write about.  I found the book to be an easy read, relatable and practical from a couple who truly enjoy being married to each other.  They cover topics such as communication, submission, sex, children, and fighting.  They offer sound, reasonable advice on how to become friends with your spouse.  Even though there was nothing new to me, many of the topics were good reminders and prompted me to pay attention to things I had let slide. 

One part I did not agree with was when they write about natural childbirth.  Now I’m all for natural, unmedicated childbirth and wanted one for myself.  I felt like they were saying this was the only and best way to have children.  While I can agree, there are so many factors in play during childbirth that and a mom doesn’t need this kind of pressure to try to have the PERFECT childbirth.  There are many ways to have a successful childbirth. 

I think the book would be excellent for those who are engaged or newly married.  This book is also a good resource for those who have been married awhile and want a better friendship with their spouse. I think the Young’s are right on when they say:

We can choose to enjoy one another.  Choose to see each other as our best friends.  This is really, seriously one of the most satisfying things you will ever do. Make your mate your best friend. (page 46)

 

My Beloved and My Friend is available for preorder for $12 and will be available for Christmas delivery, two months before it’s official release date of February 14, 2014.  If you wait until the book is released, the book will be $15.  If you’d like to read more reviews, you can go here.

 

Four Years

When I said my vows to The Man four years ago, I didn't know how I could love him more than I did at that moment.  I knew that I would love him more in the future, I just didn't know how it would happen.  

Well, I do love him more and I still don't know how it happened. It just does.  In the growing and learning and living together, the love multiplies.

Except for one time.  There was one moment in time that I can pinpoint my love for my husband growing.  It was when he turned around and walked towards me carrying our newborn daughter seconds after she had been handed to him.  I was still being stitched up and couldn't hold her yet but the look on his face was incredible.  There was such joy and amazement and he couldn't stop looking at her.  My heart felt like it could burst it was so full of love for the two of them.

Even now, a year later, my heart overflows with love at the sight of the two of them.  My husband loves being a daddy.  I love watching him be a daddy.  I love the way he cares for our daughter.  He cares for me the same way.  Other than Jesus, we are the two most important people in his life.  He tells us with words that he loves us.  Even more importantly he tells us with actions.

For The Man:

Babe, I love you more than I can say.  Thank you for all of your support this past year, in all the obstacles we've faced together.  I know that together, with God, we can overcome anything.  This is still just the beginning, with so much more to come.  I can't wait to experience it all with you.  MUAH!

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be…

~Robert Browning

Details of the Day

As I mentioned on Twitter I’m having a hard time blogging.  I have 5 or 65 drafts sitting, just waiting to be worked on.  The words aren’t flowing though so there they sit.  Then I saw that Ashley writing about the details about her wedding and I thought I can do that!  So here ya go!

I planned our wedding while The Man was deployed on a West Pac tour.  Being on a submarine means limited communication so I made the majority of the decisions by myself.  I would email him what I decided and he was fine with that!  Before he left we did decide on a date.  We decided that August would be a good month because the boat was supposed to return at the beginning of June.  However schedules in the Navy have a way of changing and we wanted to make sure he would be home.  When his parents found found we were thinking August they asked if we would mind being married on their anniversary.  It sounded like a good idea to us.  We are the third generation to be married on this date as it is also his grandparents anniversary. 

The date just so happened to fall on a Tuesday.  So we got married on a Tuesday.  We invited about 125 people but 70 came.  This was fine with me as I had wanted a small wedding.  It was mostly my friends and family as The Man’s family & friends are spread out across the country.  His parents and brothers did make it as did a couple of friends from upstate New York.  The wedding was held at Country Gardens in Rehoboth, MA. 

We each had three attendants.  The Man had his brothers and I had my cousin-who-is-more-like-my-sister, my closest friend from college and my then roommate.  My cousin/sister’s oldest son and daughter were our ring bearer and flower girl.  My colors were red and silver and they fit in nicely with the Asian theme that was going on.

We flew The Man’s pastor from Florida up to marry us.  The Man wore his dress blues.

One of the most important details is that my father was able to walk me down the aisle.  He had been in and out of the hospital in the month leading up to our wedding and there were times we weren’t sure he was going to be able too.  I’m am so thankful my daddy was able to walk me down the aisle.

I carried red roses and white calla lilies.  My mom made my jewelry out of pearls and crystals. My veil was made by a friend I went to high school with.  I wore red strappy heals with my wedding dress.

Our favors

I remember being stressed out trying to find a cake.  Four years later and I can’t remember what flavors the tiers were.  I just know that they were all different.  We had a hard time cutting into the cake.  I’m not sure if it was because the fondant was really hard or in our knife was really dull.  The knife and server we used are the same ones my parents used at their wedding.

We had a buffet.  On each table we had a menu card so people knew what was in the buffet.  The center piece was a little vase filled with flowers.  That was placed on top of a red cloth napkin that had the Chinese character for love stamped on it.

For our first dance we played 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October. 

The second verse of our song starts off by saying “So we talked about mom’s and dad’s/about family pasts...”  We did the father/daughter and mother/son during it.  It’s a long song so after a little bit we dance with each other again and had everyone come up a join us. 

There was a little dancing.  Since it was a weekend night people couldn’t stay very late.  It would have been fun if there had been more.  It was fine that there wasn’t though.

The Man and I still say that our wedding was perfect.  And it was.  It was perfect for us.  The best part of it was the fact that it was the beginning of the rest of our lives together. 

And the honeymoon?  The pre-pre-honeymoon was packing up my apartment and loading up the u-haul trailer.  It was NOT fun.  I DO NOT recommend doing this. It was probably the worst first day of marriage EVER.  The pre-honeymoon of driving cross country with stops at Mt. Rushmore & Yellowstone and a honeymoon of an Alaskan cruise made up for it. 

I’m linking up with Melanie and Holly.  You can go check out the details from other weddings too!

Say Yes To The Dress

I’ve been watching Say Yes To The Dress on Netflix.  I’ve finished all the ones set in Atlanta and am now onto New York.  It’s great to have on in the background while Munchkin and I are playing.  The Man just laughs at me when he comes home and it’s on.  He knows how I feel about wedding dress shopping…I’m so glad I never have to do it again! I had a good experience I just don’t want to do it again. I had fun shopping with my mom and found THE dress for me. I just don’t want to spend that much money for a dress I’ll only wear for a few hours again!

Usually at the end of an episode I have warm fuzzies and everything is rainbows and glitter.  There have been a couple of times when that hasn’t happened.  It’s usually because the bride has a sense of entitlement.  I hate it when they don’t care about the budget and bully their parents into buying them a more expensive dress. 

I cringe when I hear things like “I always get what I want” and “the budget doesn’t matter” or anything along those lines.  Do they not know how bratty they sound?  It’s not cute or endearing to hear that from a grown women. It’s not all the bride’s fault, their parents have had a hand in creating the monster.  If they always give in then of course the bride is going to say something like that.  Why get upset now?  You’re reaping what you’ve sown.  It’s a good reminder to me, to make sure to teach Munchkin gratitude.

Also, the budget for some of these dresses boggles my mind.  If they have the money to spend, great. But some of them are almost what my my entire wedding cost.  It’s just crazy to me!  And the brides who bring tons of people with them is mind boggling to me too. You can’t please everyone and getting tons of opinions just make it harder (at least I think so!)

I think something that often gets forgotten in the quest to have “the perfect day”…and that’s the fact that what comes after the wedding is more important. The wedding is just a day.  The marriage is (or at least should be) forever.  The wedding doesn’t make the marriage.  The relationship is so much more important!

You get pictures of my dress because every post should have pictures, right?!

Did you have a good experience buying a wedding dress?

Love

About three years ago the Man and I stood in front of family and friends. 

He wore his dress blues and looked so handsome.

I wore a white dress and felt beautiful.

We said “I Do.”

Or some version of that.

It was on that day, three years ago, that our family began.

I love this man more today than I did the day I married him.

I wasn’t sure it was possible, but it’s happened.

Now that we’ve added a little one,

our hearts our bursting.

How does it get better than this?

I know it will and

I’m looking forward to it.

I’m so glad it’s you babe, by my side,

especially as we start this adventure

called parenthood.

I can’t imagine sharing this life with anyone else.

I love you.

Lots.

Happy Anniversary!

Three years down and eternity to go.

Food For Thought

I can totally tell that I’m hormonal because this is going to be another “rant.”  Two in less than a week is a record for me (the other one can be found here.)  I normally just let this stuff roll off my back but this has been stuck in my head so I’m going to share.  Once again you might not agree.  I’m ok with that.  Please feel free to share what you think in a respectful manner.

So lately I’ve been seeing tweets and wall posts on Facebook where wives are complaining about their husbands.  It’s bugging me.  Why?  As a wife, I see part of my “job” to be one of building my husband up, not tearing him down.  The world does that enough on it’s own, I don’t need to join in.  That’s not to say that The Man is perfect.  He’s not and I’m sure he’ll freely admit it to you.  I’m not perfect and I have no problem sharing that!  Our marriage is not perfect and our life is not all roses and sunshine, contrary to what some might think.  You might think that because I don’t air our problems on the internet (I have talked about some issues we’ve had, such as The Man’s alcoholism but that is with his permission) that we don’t have any.  Not true. 

I try not to complain about The Man.  When you complain about your husband online, how do you think it makes him feel when he reads what you wrote and see others agree with you?  How would you feel if the roles were reversed?  Do you want someone bashing you in a very public place and have others weigh in with their thoughts?  No one might think much of it if it happens sporadically but what about if you do it all the time?  Do you want to read all about your shortcomings online?  Even if it is a valid complaint, would it be better to deal with it one on one with your husband instead of involving everyone in your friend list?

I suppose I could complain about The Man on Twitter since he doesn’t have an account and would never know.  But then, how would my followers perceive him?  How would my one sided complaining skew what they think of him?  I would be very upset for someone to think badly of  my husband, whom they have never met, based on my complaining!

As his wife, I want my husband to love me.  I want to know and feel that I am loved by this man everyday.  The husband also wants to feel loved.  However, there is something they want more than that.  They want the respect of their wife.  Yes, they want to be loved but for a man, respect is more important.  By bashing him in public you are being so disrespectful.  You are tearing him down.  Why would he want to work hard for you and your family if he continually feels disrespected by you? Why would he want to help you out?  Why would he want anything to do with you at all? 

Sometimes it’s not about him.  Sometimes it’s about you.  You and your attitude towards your husband.  Maybe the problem isn’t with him at all.  Maybe it’s you.  Try putting your husband first and see what happens.  You may be (pleasantly) surprised.

I strive to be a safe place for The Man.  I should be the one he complains about his job too, the one he shares his worries and concerns with.  You know what?  I am the one he shares those things with.  However, I also get to share in his joy and excitement.  I’m the one he can’t wait to tell the good things too, as well as the bad.  He’s knows that I’m there for him.  He knows I’m not going to bash him or judge him when he’s struggling.  He knows he can trust me with the little things as well as the big.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a perfect wife (I probably should have spent the morning clean the house instead of blogging.)  I have brought up past mistakes when I shouldn’t have and it’s something I’m working on.  I know I don’t want my past mistakes thrown in my face again and again.  I’m doing my best to be very aware about what I write about my husband on the internet because I don’t to EVER want to be a stumbling block to him.  It’s amazing, that when you put someone else first they will often then put you first.  Then  you both have what you want/need and get your needs met. 

This thought is kind of unrelated…but if ALL you do is complain, what does that say about you?  It makes you a person I don’t want to spend time with because you’re only going to drag me down.  There’s enough negativity in my life without you adding to it!   And for someone married to you…why would they want to come home to you if all you do is complain and nag?  Work looks better than home does…

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.  Now I feel better!

How do you show respect to your husband or significant other?

Love Story

So I’ve seen this meme going around that thought it would be fun to fill it out.  A lot of the info I’ve shared before and can be found in the Our Story section but hopefully there’s something new.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

We met in person for the first time in May 2008 and we’ve been together ever since.

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We met at the Providence Place Mall in Providence, RI.  It was early…about 10 am.  We were going to eat lunch and then see a movie but once we were together, we realized that it was too early to eat lunch.  So we saw the movie first.  We both laughed about how crazy it was to sit in a dark theatre with someone you barely knew but we did it anyway.  After that we had lunch at Dave and Busters.  By the time we were done eating and playing games, we weren’t ready to have our date end.  So we walked around the mall and then we walked around Providence.  And because he had never had Dell’s frozen lemonade we got some.  Our date lasted 6 hours!  He walked me to my car and gave me a big hug after we made plans for the next weekend.  I got in my car and I couldn’t get rid of the smile on my face.  I remember thinking that he might be the one…something I NEVER though or said!  I was smitten and couldn’t wait to talk to him again (which I did later that day!)

3. If married, how long have you been married?

We’ve been married two and half years.  It’s flown by!

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?

We got married at a country garden in MA.  It was small; we had about 70 guests.  Even now we say that it was perfect, even with the hitches that happened.  The day WAS perfect and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way!

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

We’re boring.  We call each other baby and babe.  We rarely use each other’s first names…in fact, I use his first name when I can’t get his attention!  It just about always works too.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

Only 3?!  Ok…I love how excited he is to be a daddy.  He’s going to be a great one.  He is already taking great care of munchkin and I.  I love how hard he works and how important his sobriety is to him.  I also love how excited he gets when he’s talking theology.  He love C.S. Lewis and loves to talk about what he’s reading.  I’m blessed to be married to a man that hungers after God.

7. Tell us how he proposed?

A friend had won a gift certificate for two for a Sunset Cruise in Newport, RI.  She wasn’t going to use them so she gave them to me.  It was August and the fact that he was moving to WA in less than a month was very much on my mind, as was the fact that a deployment was looming.  I wanted a romantic evening, something to remember while he was gone.  We were unofficially engaged, meaning that we knew we were getting married and we had told other people but I didn’t have my ring yet.  I knew it was coming as he promised to propose before he left.  I wasn’t expecting it this night because I thought it was predictable.  

He drove up from CT to my place in MA.  He was late and when he got there he told me he had news and that I had better sit down.  I remember looking at him and feeling a little panicky.  The thought of “I hope he doesn’t propose to me in my kitchen!” also went through my head.  Thankfully he didn’t propose but he told me he got his orders and that he didn’t get a boomer like we were expecting…instead he was assigned to a fast attack.  I know that that means NOTHING to you non-sub people, but basically each kind of sub had a certain job to do.  The boomer schedule is about 3 months out and month home and is often predictable.  A fast attack schedule is anything but predictable and often have 6-9 month deployments. 

We hopped in the car and discussed what this would mean for us.  It wasn’t the end of the world but it did take up a lot of the conversation.  We walked around Newport and then boarded the ship.  We sailed around the harbor and enjoyed the moment.  As the sun was setting, he got out his phone and started playing with it.  He handed it off to someone, which I thought was weird.  Then he got down on one knee and proposed.  I was in shock said yes.  I was also a little tipsy from the complimentary champagne.  Everyone on the ship clapped and the crew opened another bottle of champagne for us.  They gave us the cork after writing the name of the ship and the date on it.  I have it, along with a picture of us and our tickets in a shadow box in our living room.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

He’s more of a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy and that works for me!  Last year he got me flowers and candy even though I told him he didn’t have too….I just wanted the candy after V-Day when it was 50% off.  What can I say, I like a deal!

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

While I like both, I prefer to pop a movie in and snuggle on the couch.  Unless we’re in Ocean Shores, then there’s nothing better than roasting hot dogs over a beach fire while watching the sun set!

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

I’d love to travel with The Man.  I have a long list of places I’d like to go (we agree on most of them!) and on the top of my list includes Tahiti, Viet Nam, Cambodia, Thailand and China.  Turkey, Greece and Luxemburg are also on the list.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

I think we’re going to go out to dinner.  We normally just stay home but since this is our last Valentine’s Day just the two of us, we’re going to go crazy.  For us, going out to dinner is going crazy!  Well, not really, but it will still be fun.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Time with The Man.  He might get my flowers and/or candy but he doesn’t have to.  I know he loves me.  And he surprises me at random times with flowers.  Not too often…I like the surprise of knowing that he was thinking of me.

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

Commitment and communication.  I think you need both to have a strong, healthy marriage.  I would also say that you shouldn’t fear the hard stuff.  It’s working through the hard stuff and growing closer that gives depth to a marriage. 

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

2011

2011 was quite a year.  There was good and bad, both of which God used to continue to shape and mold me as a person and also my marriage.

The year started off well with The Man continuing to work on his sobriety.  It was a time of change.  His schedule was a bit crazy and continued that way into February and March.  I didn't love how busy he was with work, helping coach basketball and rehearsals for a show he was in.  There were days that I barely saw him! But we got through it and and April was much better, especially since the show, Sweeney Todd was running. It was a great show and I'm so glad he did it!

May brought a TDY and The Man was back out to sea.  I missed him while he was gone but the time apart was good for us.  He enjoyed being back out and I enjoyed having some time alone too.  And of course, homecoming is always the best part!  We also enjoyed June and July cause we worked on our very first garden.  We were so excited to grow and eat our own veggies!  We are eagerly awaiting spring so we can garden again.  We've already been talking about what we're growing this year...

One of the many house projects

August was good to us.  Looking back, I'm glad it was!  We managed to fit in a trip to Disney Land.  We wanted to go at least once before kids so we could enjoy it just the two of us.  Once we got home we bought a new truck, which we are still enjoying and getting a lot of use out of.  In order for The Man to do the projects he wants to around the house, it's much easier having the truck to haul supplies and debris & trash after!

September started off great with a camping trip.  We hadn't been camping in about two years and were really wanting to go, so we carved out Labor Day weekend for a trip to a nearby campground.  I thought I had posted about it but I guess not.  I think it got overshadowed by what happened next.  I headed to the East Coast cause my dad was in the hospital.  I was going so I could help my mom out and be there when he got home so he wouldn't have to go to a rehab facility.  It didn't turn out that way.  Instead of returning to his earthly home, daddy went to his forever home.  The pain for us is horrible but knowing where daddy is helps.  It also helps knowing that I'll see him again.  I'm looking forward to that!  From daddy's homecoming did come some good.  One good thing was the opportunity to see friends and family and make more memories with them.  People and relationships are so important and I don't like to waste any chance I have to spend time with the people who are important to me!  The memories we made make me smile.

Joey hugging Dad

Our family expanded again with the addition of dad's dog Joey.  We love him but he's been a little trying at time.  We're working on discipline and listening and he's getting better.  He's so much more fun and enjoyable when he behaves!

At the end of October mom came for a visit and while she was here we got some great news!  We found that we were pregnant!  Even though I didn't share with you until December we knew at the very beginning of November.  Morning sickness, fatigue and other fun symptoms have hit and I'm very much looking forward to the second trimester.  Even with not feeling the best, we had a wonderful Christmas.  We were blessed with great gifts and enjoyed spending time with most of The Man's family.

And how could I forget?  We managed to get down to Eugene for a Ducks game.  Not just any game but the Civil War!  I love going to games at Autzen.

And even more importantly, The Man got one year of sobriety in November.  This is huge and I know it wasn't easy.  I am so proud of him for this accomplishment!

2012 is going to bring even more change to our family.  We know what some of them are but know that there are many surprises in store for us.  So we go into the New Year thankful for each other and our families and friends and we know that nothing that happens will surprise God.  He'll be there with us every step of the way.

Happiest Place on Earth

The Man and I were originally going to go camping for our anniversary.  Kinda last minute we decided that we wanted to go to Disneyland instead.  We've been wanting to go before we have kids (since that hasn't happened yet.)

We decided to get the 3 day Salute pass that Disneyland is offering Active Duty & Retired military.  It was a perfect amount of time to enjoy Disneyland and California Adventure.  I had never been to Disneyland but The Man had been there a few times before.  It had been about 13 years since he had been there so there was still new stuff for us to explore together.

We had a great time! I love Disney.  I love the magic and how much attention is paid to even the littlest detail.  I've wanted to visit Disneyland for a long time.  I've been to Disney World several times and love it, how could I not love Disneyland too?

 I will admit that I was a little disappointed with the castle at first! I'm used to Cinderella's castle dominating the skyline as you walk up Main Street.  I actually had to look for the castle.  As my husband reminded me, this is the original and it's smaller.  Smaller doesn't mean that it's bad.  It meant that there was less walking involved, which made my feet happy!  The lands are smaller and closer together and made it easier to ride hop.  I also enjoyed the fact that it felt like there were less shops in each land and the shops that were there were small.  I felt like I was able to focus more on the rides and entertainment because I wasn't being distracted by wanting to check out another shop. 

We really enjoyed California adventure too!  Tower of Terror and the California Screamin' roller coasters were our favorite part.  I think we rode each 3-4 times.  We spent the entire day there without a break. I was cranky for a good part of the afternoon but we still managed to enjoy the 3D Muppets and the live Aladdin show.  We learned a great lesson: a mid day break is essential to have a happy Poe!

What's your favorite thing about Disney?

Don't worry...there are more vacation posts to come.  I haven't even covered rides, character pictures and food yet!

Waiting

Vacuumed...Check

Mopped...Check

Bathroom cleaned...Check

Bed made...Check

Laundry washed, dried, folded and put away...check

House dusted....um no.  Waiting on that

Fridge/Pantry stocked...Check

Got firewood...check

Got tiki torch oil...check

Potato Salad made...Check

Cookies made...Check

Make up & hair done...Check

Called Ombudsman to get time....no answer

Put candles around... check

Spent time on Facebook & Twitter...check

Moved up to #1 on my Zuma Blitz board...check

Caught up on blogs...check

Taken the puppy out several times....check

Straighten pillows that don't need straightening...check

Cleaned the counter tops again...check

Waiting.  

More waiting.   

More waiting still.  

This is the life of a Navy wife.  

Of an Army wife.  

Of a Marine wife.  

Of an Air Force wife. 

Of a Coast Guard wife.  

Of a National Guard wife. 

Of a Reserve wife.  

Waiting is a way of life. 

wait to move,
wait for leave,

wait for orders,
wait to have a baby,

wait to buy a house.

 

Wait

Wait

Wait

As I write this, my husband is coming home today.  

I don't know what time he pulls in.

I don't know where I'll pick him up.

All I know is that he's coming home today.

So I wait.

For a phone call.

For information.

It's only been about month.

A month without:

Hugs,

Kisses,

Cuddles,

My best friend,

My sounding board,

Someone to cook for,

among other things.

A month alone.

And yet, 

A month is short.  

A blink of an eye with out your husband.

In the milspouse world, only a month is cause for envy.

In a world of 3, 6, 9, 12 month deployments

a month is nothing.

And once your man is home again in your arms

Another countdown begins.

It's in the back of your head.

You don't speak it.

You don't share it.

You don't acknowledge it.

But it's there.

The countdown until your man leaves again.

Until then,
you enjoy every moment.

Hold on to every laugh.

Savor every kiss.

Because before you know it,

Before you're ready,

It's time for him to leave.

The waiting begins.



*This was written about a week ago while I was waiting for info on when The Man was pulling in.  I did finally get the information I was waiting for and was able to pick him up with no waiting for either of us.

How Did You Know?

I saw that Liz, the Optimistic Army Wife was answering the following questions:

How did you know that your spouse was the one for you?

And what has kept you on your toes all these years?

I know it's not always rainbows and butterflies.. So what has kept you holding on through the good times and the bad?

I think these are great questions.  I'm going to answer them cause I don't have anything else to write about.  I'm lacking in inspiration and I can only write about The Man being gone so many times!

Engaged, Sept 2009

 How did you know that your spouse was the one for you?

It sounds crazy but I just knew.  Not right away though I did have an inkling.  I think we both did.  He was the easiest person to talk to.  I couldn't wait to talk to him, to see him.  He listened, really listened to what I had to say.  I was able to share things with him that I didn't with most people.  We believe the same things and have the same goals.  We balance each other nicely.  I had also been praying for a husband.  I had dated a couple of guys before The Man and I knew that weren't the one.  I just knew.  I don't know how to explain it any other way.

And what has kept you on your toes all these years?

We've been together for three years and married for almost two so it's not like it's been a super long time.  But we enjoy spending time together and we are invested in each other.  I love sharing life with him.  We celebrate each others successes, help and encourage each other to reach our goals and we commiserate with each other as well.  My heart still goes pitty pat when he walks in the door.  I'm very much in love with my husband.  Not the fading "crush"  kind of love but the deeper kind of love.  I love him not cause I think he's handsome  or "cool" but because of who he is as a person on the inside. 

It's also the little things, like snuggling on the sofa or cooking a favorite dinner.  It's the putting in a new bathroom light because they want one or letting your spouse have some veg time.  It's putting the other person first and being more concerned about them instead of worrying about yourself.

I know it's not always rainbows and butterflies.. So what has kept you holding on through the good times and the bad?

Commitment.  On our wedding day, before God, our family and friends we made a commitment to each other.  We both honor our vows.  We're not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect but it is good.  Before we got married (when we were talking about getting married) we decided and agreed that divorce is not an option*.  When that's not an option, you have to work things out or life is going to be pretty miserable.  We have pretty good communication (there's always room for improvement) and we're willing to listen to each other.  We willing to work things out.  We don't give up on each other.  It would have been really easy for me to want a divorce when the alcoholism came up.  It wasn't even a thought in my mind.  We're in this together, for better or for worse, good times and bad.  That's what we promised each other and we don't take that lightly.  We entered into our marriage knowing it is for life.  And that's not to say that I don't love my husband.  I do.  Very much.  But there are days and times when it's harder than others.  That's normal.  Marriage is work.  HARD WORK! Nothing worth having is easy though so it's worth it.

*I do want to say that if you are in an abusive relationship than you need to leave and get someplace safe.  No one deserves to be abused.  Leaving doesn't mean automatic divorce though that may be the outcome.

Those are my thoughts.  What do you think? 

I'd love to read your answers to these questions!  

If you do answer them, please come back and let me know!

Secrets, Part I

Ever since Jessica's blog post I've been thinking about secrets.  We all have them.  Things that we don't talk about or share for various reasons.  Maybe we're shameful or afraid of how people will react or treat us if they knew. We often feel alone or think that no one would understand.  We look at the people around us and see perfect lives.  They have it all together.  On the flip side of that I think we like to have others think well of us so we share the things that will help them to like us.  Things that show people that we have it together.  When people look at us or read what we have written they think nothing can possible be wrong in our lives!  Oh, of course they have stress from moving or not having hubby around but other than that, life is great for them.  Maybe instead of saying we I should have said I.  What do you think?  Have you ever felt this way?

I'm writing this because it may seem like we have it all together.  Well, we don't.  We're a work in progress.  I'm going to share a secret of ours with you  (not to worry, I have permission from The Man!)  I have a few reasons for doing this.  One is so that others in the similar situation will know that they are not the only ones dealing with this.  Another reason is that God has been working in each of us and our family and I would like Him to receive the honor for that.  We have not worked through this alone.

Ok, deep breath.  It's harder to write than I thought it would be.  Once it's published and out there I can't get it back.  I have no control over who reads it...but here it goes...

Hi, I'm Poekitten.  I'm married to an alcoholic.

3 month coin

I've written and rewritten this part of the post several times.  I'm not sure where to go from here.  Start from the beginning?  Tell you about when he admitted he was a alcoholic?  Talk about the crisis it started?  I think I'll leave it at this for now and start the story of our journey in another post.

I'm happy to tell you that The Man has been sober for 5 months now.  I am so proud of him.  I watched him struggle and it was hard knowing that there was nothing I could do.  Nothing I could do but pray for him and support him.  I had to allow him to fail and that was hard for me.  I had to allow him to work through his treatment and hit his bottom before he was willing to be sober.  Even now it's one day at a time.  It will always be one day at a time.

First Time EVER

We have a Costco membership.  We do most of our grocery shopping there for basics...or what are basics for us.  Diced tomatoes, tomato paste, chicken broth, beans, cranberry juice, frozen chicken breasts, frozen hamburgers, bacon, butter, eggs, cheese...you get the picture.  We go about once a month.  We (I) always make a list and we usually do a good job sticking to it.  These trips are NOT fun.

Costco is always busy.  It doesn't matter what time of day you go, it's always a madhouse.  The problems start when I become indecisive.  I ask The Man a question, he could care less, I hem and haw, he gets frustrated so I get frustrated and by the time we leave we're both cranky.  Thankfully we know this and we plan for it.

However on our last trip a few days ago we managed to get in, get our list, get out and we were still happy people!  It was amazing.  I asked my questions, The Man answered and we went on our merry way.  I did ask less questions and didn't hem and haw and The Man didn't get upset by my random ones so it all worked out. It was great!  Hopefully we can do this again in the future!

On a completely different note, does anyone else go to Costco for free snacks?  We ate PB&J sandwiches for lunch before heading out.  Once we got there we were able to get samples of lots of yummy things...beef broth, veggies, egg rolls, bagels with cheese, bagels with ham, steamed buns with pork, chicken breasts, orange chicken...that's just what I remember!  We were stuffed by the time we left.  We don't usually buy what we sample...though we did buy the beef broth.  It was super yummy.

Do you enjoy Costco/Sam's Club/BJ trips?  Do you fill up on samples?

2010 in Review

As 2010 comes to a close, I thought it was be a good idea to do a year in review (like everyone else).  So without further ado, I present our Top Ten 2010 Moments:

1.  We completed one full year of marriage.  We were married in August of 2009, so 2010 was our first complete year.   I'm very much looking forward to celebrating another New Year's with my love.

New Year's Eve 2009

2.  We bought a house.  There are times when I'll just stop and look around in amazement that we actually bought a house.  We love it.  It's perfect for us and we love being homeowners.  We changed some things and are looking forward to continuing to leave our mark on it.

3.  We added Miss Molly to our family.  Before buying our house we lived on base and were only allowed two pets.  We had Edgar & Allen so we couldn't get a dog.  We picked up Molly the day after we completely moved into our house.  She fits in perfectly and feel like she's been apart of our family longer than 7 months.

4.  Time together.  I love spending time with The Man.  It doesn't matter what we do I like doing it with him.  From hanging out at home to exploring the Pacific Northwest, we've had a great time. 

5.  Creation Northwest 2010.  For our anniversary we went to Creation.  It's a huge christian music festival and I have wanted to go since I was in high school.  I thought it was only held in PA but nope, they have one in WA too!  Our favorite bands that played were The David Crowder Band, Toby Mac & The Newsboys.  Both Toby Mac & Newboys played Jesus Freak...take me back to my teen years!

6.  I got my car back!  I had been driving my mom's Jeep and so I drove it cross country so she could have it back.  I got to drive my car home.  I miss having the Jeep for it's size but I LOVE my car.  It's saving us a ton of money for gas too!

7.  The Man was home in time for Christmas!  He was truly the best Christmas present I got.  I did get some others that were pretty good too!  The Kindle tops the list...although I'm very much enjoying the new clothes and the new iPod speakers.

Christmas morning 2010

8.  The Man became a friend of Bill's.  This is going to have a lasting impact on our lives and marriage.  We're both happy about it.

9.  Exploration.  Neither of us have lived in this area so it's not unusual for us to take day trips to explore the area.  We've done some fun stuff in Seattle, like the aquarium and a harbor cruise and we've driven 101 and spent time in Ocean Shores.  We've also been to Eugene, OR a few times and we like to stop at different places along the way.  We love making random stops and finding new places!

10.  Thanksgiving with my family.  The Man wasn't able to be with us for Thanksgiving, but I loved being with my family.  I hadn't seen my Aunt, cousin & her family since my wedding in August 09 so quality time together was long overdue.  It was great.  I'm blessed by an amazing, supportive family.  They are the best!

Nieces & Nephew playing with Molly at Thanksgiving

What are some of your best moments from 2010?

Finally

I finally got a WA state license.  I had been putting it off but figured since I've been married for over a year now that having a license with my married name would be nice.  Actually, I had to get one cause my MA one is expiring in a few days.  I had been dreading the whole process...who likes to spend a better part of their day at the registry?

I started off by going to the wrong office.  Oops!  The ladies were nice and gave me some options on where I could go.  I went to the one where they said the people are nicer.  Who doesn't like nice people?  I headed up there and managed to find it with no difficulties.  I walked it and it was just about empty.  I waited for 3 minutes for my number to be called.  I went up and was able to get a WA license in my married name.  Nice.  It was super easy.  The only sad part for me is that I failed the eye exam without my glasses.  I've managed to pass it the last 3 times without them.  I couldn't this time so now I must wear my glasses to drive.  Considering I've had glasses since 5th grade and I've been driving for 15 years, that's not bad.

I'll admit I was a little sad when he put a hole in my MA license.  It just seems so final.  I know I don't live there anymore but man, I loved that license.  It was a link back home.  And the picture wasn't too bad.  My mom always laughs at it cause I'm wearing a red fuzzy scarf in it.

A Month of Thanks; Marriage

I know I've already given thanks for my husband.  In addition to being thankful for him, I'm thankful for our marriage.  We do not have a perfect marriage but I believe we have a good one.  Even with all that's going on at the moment, we have a good marriage.  It's getting stronger.  Adversity does that.  It breaks things or makes them stronger.  We decided that when we got married that divorce is not an option.  Ever*.  So instead of breaking us, it will make us stronger.  With divorce off the table, we have no choice but to work through our issues and difficulties.  It's freeing to know that we are together forever.  Yes, things are difficult but I don't love my husband any less.  I love him more.  I love knowing that we will work things out...together.  I love knowing that we are committed to each other.  We are willing to be honest and vulnerable with each other, even if it is hard at times.  I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else. 

Things are hard at the moment.  The uncertainty is hard.  Not knowing what will happen is hard.  I still have hope.  Things will work out the way God wants them to work out.  And we will be together.  This is bringing us closer together and for that I am thankful. 

Thank you so much for you prayers.  God in answering and working in amazing ways.  I have peace that can only be from Him.  With things still so uncertain, please keep praying.  Thank you!

*Under no circumstance would I stay, or expect anyone else to stay, in an abusive relationship.  The best thing you can do for yourself and everyone else involved is to get to a safe place. 

A Month of Thanks; My Husband

I am blessed to be the wife of a hard working, loving sailor.  He knows me well and often knows what I'm thinking, sometimes before I do.  He's right too, about 90% of the time.  He's surprised me with flowers, a dishwasher and perfectly painted crown molding.  He'll run to the store for me when I'm tired so I don't have too.  The Man also texts me in the middle of the day to tell me he loves me.  He tells me I'm beautiful and means it.  What more could a girl want?

I love my sailor.  He works hard for me, for us.  He's incredibly supportive of me.  He wants me to be happy and to pursue my own dreams and goals.  He encourages me in my home based business.  He takes care of the house and the yard.  He's a softie though he hides it.  He loves our furbabies and spoils them, though he's likely to deny it.  I know he's going to be a great daddy too.  He loves kids.

He's not perfect but then I'm not either so that works out fine.  He doesn't put the dishes in the dishwasher and I often have to pick his clothes off the floor but we've only been married a little over a year.  I still have time to train him:)  In his favor though he cooks.  He makes the best stuffed port chops EVER.  His chili is great too.  And he gives me foot rubs.  And lots of kisses!

I didn't meet him till I was 28.  He was well worth the wait.  We're looking forward to the next 60+  years of marriage that are in our future. 

"I may be able to read you like a book, but it's a book I enjoy reading"

~The Man about me to which I burst out laughing 

 

 

Don't forget to link up if you've written about something you're thankful for!  You can link up here. I don't have a fancy button but I would love to read what you are thankful for!

Who Knew?

Back in the day, when I would think about the future and what my life would be like, I didn't think it would be like this.  It's so much better than I could have imagined.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up.  An oncologist to be exact.  A pediatric oncologist.  This was largely influenced they the fact that my dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was in 3rd grade and again when I was in 7th grade.  At some point, I'm not sure when, I decided that I didn't want to be a doctor (probably when I realized  I would have to go to school for years).  I wanted to be a nurse for awhile and then not.   I don't remember what I wanted to be after that.  I do know that I wanted to have a career I enjoyed, a husband I loved and the most adorable kids ever.  I would be one of those women who had it all...career, husband, kids.  It would all be juggled amazing well and nothing would suffer.  I would be able to do it all and do it all well.  I  WOULD NOT, under any circumstances be staying at home.

Out of that scenario, I have a husband that I love.  Lots.  We don't have kids yet.  When they come along I'm sure they will be adorable.  How could they not be?    What I don't have is that career.  I did teach for 6ish years after I got out of college.  I enjoyed it.  I loved seeing the light bulb go off in their heads.  I just didn't want to be in the classroom for the rest of my life.

I'm loving being a stay at home wife.  I'm as surprised as the next person at this but I'm enjoying it.  I don't love cleaning but I love having a clean house for my husband to come home too.  I love having dinner ready for him to eat after working hard all day.  I love having the time to do crafty stuff and to be able to help others.  It's not what I ever imagined but it's wonderful.  I'm looking forward to the day when I'm staying home with our kids.  I love that my husband that supports me in whatever I want to do.  I'm blessed with a life I love.  What could be better than that?

What did you want to be when you grew up?  What is your job now?